Looking out my window...

Little Robin Redbreast

In case you haven't figured it out yet, LOL, I have Breast Cancer Metastasis to Bone.

Even funnier, my husband The Chief, aka Bob, has been diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. Hmm, maybe we should start our own Clinic!

Fortunately for him, and me, his cancer has  been caught at a very early stage and so he is bound to be cured. The doctor has given a couple of treatment choices, which Bob is considering.

My status right now is okay. Yesterday, and so far today, I have not had to take any extra pain meds. I have brushed my teeth standing up with little or no pain, as well as walked to the kitchen and back with no trouble. I hope this continues, but one never knows, do one.

I tried to lessen the number of "stool softeners" I take because I don't care for their side effects (uncontrolable little bubbley pops). But instead I went through two days of hellish constipation. I seem to be back where I should be today.

Sometime in May or June I will have another CT Scan of my bones, and I think, an MRI of my innards. After six months of treatment we want to see how those nasty intruders are doing. I'm hoping for a complete remission. But, knowing better, I will be happy if there aren't any more than there were to begin with.

Spring, the season of rebirth, is definitely here. I have been able to get back to my home office (out of my bed) and take photographs of the birds I love and the surrounding flora.

And to prove it I will show you a series of photos I've taken of a new Robin in our neighborhood. He appears to be young because his feathers are poofy, and his breast has markings that won't be there when he is an adult.

Robin About To Bathe                Photograph by Sharon W Jensen

Robin Falling into Bath                Photography by Sharon W Jensen

Robin Regaining Composure in Bath       Photo by Sharon W Jensen


Robin Enjoying Bath                      Photograph by Sharon W Jensen

Robin Splashing Water With Wings    Photo By Sharon W Jensen

Robin Getting Ready To Leave   Photograph by Sharon W Jensen

Robin Taking Off in Fog               Photograph by Sharon W Jensen

 

And for our finale:

Prairie Fire Crabapple Tree In Bloom     Photo by Sharon W Jensen

Hope everyone is enjoying the season, where ever you are.

Starved Rock Retreat: Fibromyalgia, Depression and the CCC: Part 3

Wood Sculpture Fox Ridge Starved Rock State Park 2011
Photograph by Sharon W Jensen

 

 

 Continuing the Starved Rock Retreat story... Part 3

 

 

 Apparently the Park has various artists sculpt the dead trees. They were all over the place and much more interesting than any Elvis on Black Velvet paintings I've seen on other journeys. The Fox Ridge is directly in front of the Lodge.

 

 

 What an interesting way of handling the death of trees. There were bears and other forest creatures tucked in here an there. If it weren't for the heat I would have looked at them a bit closer.

 

 

The following pictures are of the Lodge "lobby." What you see is very close to the reality. Though a large space, it has been decorated into conversational areas of various sizes, some with tables and chairs and others with comfortable sofas. The huge stone fireplace is magnificent. And like the grand canyon, no picture (of mine anyway) can do it justice.

 

 

 As is our way, we stayed in the lobby most of the time...reading (The Chief), me on the internet via iPad 2 and people watching (the two of us). I am a bird watcher, but when without birds, I slip into people watching quite easily.

 

 

  

Cozy Sofas in the Lobby
Photograph by Sharon W Jensen

 

 

 

Double Lit Lobby Seating Area
Photograph by Sharon W Jensen

 

 

 

Corner Lamp, Window and Logs
Photograph by Sharon W Jensen

 

 

 I would describe the decor style as rustic Arts and Crafts. Such a warm and inviting feeling. The log walls providing a safe place to dream and not worry about the wooden foxes and bears lurking outside.

 

 

Vast Space Made Cozy
Photograph by Sharon W  Jensen

 

 

 
Beams, Lights and Flag
Photograph by Sharon W Jensen

 

The Lobby's warmth is almost sucked up by the massive stone fireplace. And yet, it still belongs where it stands. Perhaps with a fire blazing, the continuum would flow from the floor, up the stone slabs to heights unseen.



 




Stone Slab Fire Place Reminiscent of Citizen Cane
Photograph by Sharon W Jensen

 





Stone Slabs Burn Like The Setting Sun
Photograph by Sharon W Jensen

 





White and Yellow Lighting
Photograph by Sharon W Jensen

 







Yellow Lights In Shadow
Photograph by Sharon W Jensen

 

 Early meals in the immense Dining Room allowed us to hear our own conversation. The menu had variety and the food was warm and good.

 

Wooden Chairs Waiting in The Dining Room
Photograph by Sharon W Jensen

 

 

 

 
Tables by The Windows
Photograph by Sharon W Jensen

  

A short promenade, so to speak, about the Lodge and visions of foliage, cabins, and flowers appear.

 

 

 

 

Always saving the best for last. The Chief gazing out the windows from another world.

 

We both felt like we belonged in this place. A quiet, restorative place. And, so...we will go back.

 

 

Post Script: I would just like to mention again that the CCC (Civilian Conservation Corps) were responsible for building this beautiful lodge back in the thirty's.  This was one of the government programs to help create jobs for the many unemployed during the Great Depression. Thank you to the men who built log cabin castles and to FDR for providing work for those men.

 

Exercise Routine: Animated Dreaming Gets Me Going, Going, Gone!

Yes, that is rain. Rain in winter. Near Chicago. Only one day after a huge snow storm. In fact, you can see the last of a remaining pile of plowed snow. And, guess what? It snowed again two days later.

The cycle of life.

For about two years now I have, on occasion, fallen out of bed. This is a bad thing because I have had difficulty in getting back into bed. I've talked about this topic before. Like the time I was visiting my mom and fell between the wall and the bed.

So far, knock on wood, I haven't had any injuries of any significance. And, I hadn't had a fall for several months, leading me to think it wasn't going to happen again.

HA!

So, a couple of weeks ago, it did happen again. I had one of my very animated dreams. I was trying to show someone how big the fish in the lake were. I stretched my arms out. You know, like a fisherman does. It was when I couldn't stretch them any further that I fell.

And, this time I knocked my face, cheek and chin, along with my upper arm into my nightstand. Not serious, but hurt none-the-less. Luckily, after remembering some helpful tricks a physical therapist gave me, I was able to get back into bed without too much difficulty.

Unfortunately, this fall was the last straw for the Chief. He worries about me enough and he had had enough of this falling business. Now we had discussed various ways to stop me from falling out of bed before. But, this time he wasn't kidding around. The words "bed rail" kept coming up again and again. Out of his mouth, mind you, not mine.

"No, no, no" came out of mine. I searched for alternative solutions. I'm rather good at problem solving (LOL).

We could take away the bed frame and be closer to the floor.
Uh, no 'cause I wouldn't be able to get down or up.

We could buy a King size bed (we have a Queen).
Sounded good until I saw how much they cost, plus all the new linens, etc., etc.

We could put a room divider between the bed and nightstand.
Tried it, I couldn't reach the light or anything else.

Then, all of a sudden, the chief spoke "HOSPITAL BED"! I'm not kidding. "Hospital Bed." Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

It was at that point my mind quickly went to a compromise. A new tactic I learned from our POTUS.

Bed Rails.

Of course I put many qualifications on what it could look like, how big it was, and could I handle it without calling the Warden. After searching the internet for a few days, I finally settled on one that was black. Quite fashionable, I thought, as opposed to the hospital "stainless steel" most were. It was adjustable in length, so I could get out of bed without taking it off. And, it could be folded down when not in use. No shipping costs. Returnable to store. Done deal.

After the bed rail arrived the Chief put it together. Wrong at first. But pretty good for not reading the instructions prior to assembling. I kid. We fooled around with where exactly it should be placed and once set, went to bed.

I have to be honest. It was the best night's sleep I'd had in a long time.

You Took My Dreams From Me...

 

My friend Janice sent this to me. I've never heard of the group or the singers. But, she does not send me uninteresting things. Usually, good things. And so I watched and listened. I hope you will do the same.

What I particularly reacted to were the lyrics toward the end:

I could have been someone.
Well, so, could anyone. You took my dreams from me, when I first found you.
I kept them with me Babe, I put them with my own, can't make it alone, I built my dreams around you.

I do like the sound of Irish music. Even the happy songs are sad. Which, to my way of thinking, is the truth. Any happiness we have, upon close inspection, is often the result of something sad. You can't have one without the other.

Anyway, back to the video. The singer Shane MacGowan seems to be a wee bit wobbly due to a drop or two of gin. And, of course, the woman singer is the stable one. (Am I just personalizing this?)

My first husband. Cue for the Chief to say "You were married before"? Yes I was. Continuing... my first husband was an intelligent, talented man. I had dreams of my own of "making it" in something. I just hadn't figured out what that something was. And so, like many women, I let him take my dreams to add to his own. You know, the woman behind the man kind of thing. That was, after all, the philosophy I grew up in.

Unfortunately, he was also an alcoholic and a wife abuser. We did have happy times, good times. But, the bad and sad were becoming more frequent. These were the times before "wife abuse" was considered wrong and not acceptable. After almost nine years I finally had the courage to leave him. That courage was my baby daughter. If not for her, I probably would have stayed even longer.

Back to the video. I was so curious about the singers I looked them up on Youtube and watched Shane as he swirled down an abyss of gin. Losing his teeth. Unable to speak clearly. Yet, remembering exactly the words to his songs as he sang.

The female singer is Kirsty MacColl who at 41 died a horrible, but courageous death at 41. They were not partners from what I can tell. I'm glad for her.

My dreams went with my ex. I was a single mom with a baby to support. And so, I did what I had to do and that was to work and survive.

I was curious about my ex recently. He had hit hard times in the past, literally lying in the gutters of Chicago. He rehabbed several times. I had not seen nor heard from him in an eternity. I decided to search his name on the internet. I found him. I found his obituary. He died about four years ago. That was a jolt, leaving me as the only one with those memories. Sad. I'm sure this is a feeling experienced by widows.

Now, some thirty-five years after leaving him, I have a loving husband, daughter and three grandchildren. I have survived many things, including cancer.

And, I think I have reclaimed my dreams. You can see them in my blog.

More Bangs For Your Buck!

 

Copper Hides Under His Bangs 2010.
Photo by Sharon.

A few people noticed I stopped writing. Thank you. My computer crashed from viruses. In case any of you have not experienced this, I have now crashed twice. Let me explain.

My mom asked if I should just buy another computer. Well, not really. I have a friend who fixes these crashes. But, even with backup, you pretty much have to build up the computer just like you've been doing the last year or so doing before the crash. So, unless the hard drive is killed, or worse, there isn't any reason to buy a new computer. Unless, of course, it's time for a new one anyway.

Most everything we experience should provide us with at least one learning point.  This time around I've learned that computers should be turned off when not in use. Especially overnight, 'cause while you're sleeping the viruses are eating up your data and programs. Even if your computer goes into a "sleep" mode. They do this very quietly so as not to wake you up. But, they do it none the less.

Bad people send out viruses because, well, because they can and they're bad people. The attacks come into our computer through various means: worms, trojans, etc. They come in attached to something else, like maybe the chain letters we all receive. The trojans skip by safe guards because they are like the Trojan Horse - the outside is great, but dangers are hidden inside. Worms kind of tunnel in and once deep inside start to devour everything.

More News...

The Chief and I have been watching the news lately. This is something we have not done for a long time. Why? It's depressing. And, we get our news on-line.

But we recently discovered MSNBC: Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow, and Lawrence O'Donnell. After that we go to the Comedy channel and watch Jon Stewart and then The Colbert Report. Whew!

In the photo at the top of this post is our super-dog Copper. Copper watches from his place on our bed the same things we do. His now VERY long bangs are intended to send us a message: "I can't watch this political stuff anymore!"

Hmm. I wonder what his reaction to watching Fox would be. We'll never know, because then I would have to hide under my covers with my pillow over my head, and my fingers stuck in my ears.

Nope, not gonna happen.

More Bathing Birdies In The Bathtub!

 

The above and the following are more photos of my baby birds.  This day had the largest number of them I have seen to date. I hope they don't bore you. If so, gently ignore them.

By the way, some of the water spray you will see is the result of two of the birds yelling at each other and splashing about.

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I must say they had the best time in the water. It was like watching your toddlers at the beach. So many. This time they were not limited to the bathtub* but as you can see there was a waiting line on the fence. And the feeders were full. I think I counted about 18 birds altogether. It was a grand time.

*I'm referring to the birdbath as a bathtub today. At first it was a slip of the tongue while talking to the Chief. But, then I became found of the idea.

This morning I woke up earlier than usual.  With my fibromyalgia sleeping patterns vary. Sometimes I stay up until it's time to get up. And other times I get up after only four hours of sleep. So, glad I'm retired. Because what time I go to bed or get up doesn't matter. When I was working and had insomnia I would get all twitchy with worry. Now I don't. I'm so happy that most of my illnesses waited to flare until after my retirement. Flare.... that's a nice word for "it hurts more."

Any way, I was up earlier than usual and saw the trees in a nice bright morning light.

 
Linden Tree in Morning Light.
Photo by Sharon.

 
Gussie's Tree In Morning Light.
Photo by Sharon.

Some of the trees I can see have already lost their leaves, so I shall concentrate on the remaining colors while they last.

The bare branches will have their turn at beauty when it snows or rains ice.

On The Road Again

Looking at this video, I thought "Why didn't I think of that?"

So many things have been invented during my lifetime couldn't I have at least created "white-out?" The Chief has said that as a child he couldn't think of anything else that could be invented.

But, look at our world today. The inventing has not stopped. Not even now. And, here we have an example of someone looking at two different problems, connecting the dots, and creating a solution.

We need these creative, problem solving people. Creativity at its finest. But, are we teaching today's children how to think creatively?

I'm not so sure.

Hold Your Partner's Hand, Keep Your Name Tags On, And Follow Me

 
Crab Apples In Fall 2010            Photo by Sharon 

 

Validations. They come at the best times don't they?

I've worked most of my life. As a single mother for quite awhile, my life consisted of work and taking care of my daughter. At one point I worked my way up to a Department Manager in our local hospital. I supervised, hired, fired, did budgets, wrote proposals, became accredited in the field. I hated it. I did it very well for about 16 years. But, I hated it and the stress from that hate wore my health down.

After several layoffs at different places I wanted to retire early due to my health...and with the real opportunity of being able to do so, I did (thank you Chief).

My mom told me later she thought I would be unhappy when I retired, losing the validations I received through my job.

But, guess what? I found I could do other things that I never had the time for before. As a volunteer, I learned how to edit videos for broadcasting on our local community television station. It was the first time my "creative" side was demonstrated to the outside world. And I received many good validations for my effort.

My health deteriorated further the last year or so. The editing I loved to do, and did about 40 hours each week, ceased. I became somewhat limited in my physical abilities. Always loving the computer, I decided to try my hand at blogging about 11 months ago.

Recently my mom said to me "Sharon, I didn't know you could write!" Well, I didn't know either. I keep plugging away. Some readers and friends have told me I have a "gift." Sometimes I write about memories, sometimes about current events. Mostly, I write about looking out my window.

And, it's just amazing how much I see from my window. Everyday is like a field trip in my office chair. Right this very moment I am watching the Canadian Geese migrate from one window pane to another.

My hope is I can give a giggle or a warm snuggle to a reader... to someone who needs just that, just then. And ultimately, perhaps, the feeling that they are on a field trip, too.

Join me, take my hand. 

Taste Test Fail

 
Three Flavors of Yogurt....photo by Sharon

In my post http://texaschief.typepad.com/looking-out-my-window/2010/07/savor-the-flavor-of-the-day.html I talked a bit about taste testing.

To follow through, the Chief and I have been taste testing yogurt for about the last month or so. My assumption was, after my experience with the popsicles, that knowledge and color have a greater control over taste than your tongue. Of course smell is the strongest determiner of taste than anything else, but popsicles and yogurt are severely insufficient in odor.

The tests were done with the Chief bringing me an opened yogurt. My eyes had to be closed to eliminate any color reference. I would get one spoonful. I carefully smooshed the yogurt to cover all areas of my tongue so I wouldn't miss out on any of my taste buds. And then I would proclaim...

"Vanilla"

"Ummm, Cherry?" "No? Then Blueberry?"

And so on.

What I soon realized was that my knowledge was not limited to nothing regarding the yogurt:

1. Everytime I opened the refrigerator door I would see the yogurts.   

2. The yogurts were divided into two groups: the Chief's favorites & mine.

3. When I tasted the yogurt my mind visualized them in the refrigerator.

So, mentally, without any intention of "cheating" I would think to myself "there were three yogurts on my side - cherry, raspberry, blueberry. Hmm, not cherry. Not raspberry, that leaves blueberry.

But even with that information I mostly got them wrong on the first guess. To do the test correctly absolutely no information about the yogurt should be available. This would make a good Consumer Reports test.

By the way, the flavors I tasted correctly the most were cherry, vanilla and raspberry.

Yummy!

 

Keeping Up With The Phones'es

 
New Phone Good For Texting... Photo By Sharon

Our cell phone plan lasts for two years and at the end of the two years we can get a new discounted phone when we renew the contract.  Our phones were ready for upgrades and I've been looking at what's available for several months. Anticipation, ain't it grand.

Every few weeks, after browsing, I'd change my mind. Our old flip phones had served us well, but in two years a lot can happen in the world of technology. Just the act of texting has taken over the country.  Never did I think it would take me over too.

After all, I hated the idea of texting. Only because of all the stupid abbreviations people use that make reading a text, even in english, difficult to translate. Keep in mind that the Chief and I are grandparents. Our minds are supposed to be set. Happily they're not.

The change in thinking began during the softball season. Our granddaughter is really good at softball, soccer and any other sport she takes an interest in. When I could go to a game, I would. But sometimes, due to pain or extreme heat I stayed home. That's when her mother started texting me with scores and commentary.

One day she showed me how to do it. Not difficult, but very slow for me. And it gave me a greater insight to all the abbreviations. The keyboard on my phone was like a telephone keyboard. The letters are in groups requiring multiple pushes to get the desired letter. Aggravated at the slowness I started abbreviating words like pls, ty, luv, 4, 2, and others.

My phone browsing started to favor slide out keyboards. While the new android phone is worth drooling over, I already have an ipod touch that doesn't cost me $29.99 extra a month. And I really didn't want to pay an additional $9.99 for some "smart" phone either.

So, now I have my new phone. Of course I keep trying to flip it open when it rings. I expect that habit to disappear shortly.

Activating new phones is always fun. I did mine without too much trouble. But, when trying to activate the Chief's it was another matter. You're supposed to be able to do everything via the phone programming.

"How can I help you?"

"Hi, I'm trying to activate a new phone. I activated one already with no problem. But this phone won't go through."

"I'm going to have to look something up. Can you call me back in a little while?"

"What number should I use?"

"The same number you just used."

"I didn't call you. I was transferred to you."

"You didn't call?"

"No, I was transferred. You can call me on my land line......"

"Okay, I'll call  back soon."

Over one hour later.

"How can I help you?"

"Hi, I'm trying to activate a new phone. I activated one already with no problem. But this phone won't go through."

"I see you called earlier."

"Yes, she said she would call me back, but she didn't"

"We're having problems with our phones."

"Me, too."